food.

Turkey! I love using turkey cutlets whenever I can. This is a simple recipe, but a delicious and impressive one. I doubt people would guess it's turkey. Coat the cutlets first in egg wash then in breadcrumbs and brown (slowly over medium heat, otherwise you'll ruin them!) in olive oil. Remove from the pan, and add diced tomatoes and their juice, zucchini, onion, and enough chicken stock to make it loose. Add the turkey back into the sauce, and top each piece with a slice of prosciutto and some thick shavings of parmigiano reggiano. Finish the whole thing in the oven to melt the cheese and crisp the prosciutto. This is best done in a big cast iron skillet, which can go from stove top to oven easily.

Not turkey. Thick (they look like little meat icebergs, don't they?) filet mignon with mushroom cream sauce.

Just brush the steaks with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Ricky and I both like ours rare so I cooked these for 5 minutes per side. Don't move them if you want pretty grill marks. I did these in a grill pan but outside would be lovely, it was cruddy out this day though. Once done, let them rest for 10 minutes.

To make the sauce, saute a chopped shallot, some fresh thyme, and 8-10 oz of mixed mushrooms in olive oil over medium heat. I used shiitake, cremini, and button, but whatever you can find is fine. I wouldn't use portobellos, though.

Once those are nice and sweated, add 1/2 cup-ish of brandy to the pan. It might catch on fire, don't be alarmed. Do not, however, pour straight from the bottle. That's just stupid.

If you want it to catch on fire and it doesn't, you can do what I did and ignite it with a long fireplace match.

Brandy flames are lovely.

Next pour in 1/4 cup of cream and 1/4 cup of chicken broth. Let that simmer and reduce a bit.

Spoon some sauce onto each plate and set the filet mignon on top. Garnish with something green, like parsley (like me) or chives.

Ooooh or tarragon.

Soup. Because soup is easy.

What is easier than putting on a pot of soup for dinner and serving it with crusty bread?

Nothing. The correct answer is nothing.

Except maybe ordering takeout but come on.

Chicken sausage, cannellini bean, and escarole soup.Super easy, super delicious, and it tastes like it took you more than 25 minutes.-but it didn't.1 package Italian-style chicken sausage. You could use the kind that you slice and cook or the kind that gets crumbly out of the casing. Whatever.1 head escarole (it's next to the lettuce and kale and collards and whathaveyou.) Chopped.1 15 oz can cannellini beans or other small white beans. Drained, of course.4 cups chicken broth (1 package is about 4 cups)2 cloves of garlic, minced. Do not use a press. In fact, throw your garlic press away.Those things are stupee.2 tbps olive oil, plus more for drizzling.salt and peppercrush red pepper flakes, because spicy soup is awesome soup.-Slice (or remove from casings and crumble) the chicken sausage. Heat olive oil on medium heat in a large stock pot with a lid. Add sausage and cook until browned. Add garlic, cook for 1 minute more until fragrant, then add the beans and the escarole. Cook until the escarole is wilted down. Add some salt, pepper, and red pepper to taste. Pour the chicken broth over, cover, and simmer for 10-15 minutes.Serve with some extra virgin olive oil drizzled over the top and some warm, crusty bread.Yay!

living with Lupus

It's been almost a year since my "formal" Lupus diagnoses. If you don't know about Lupus, please learn more here. The diagnoses was almost a sort of relief...I finally knew what was going on with me, what had been going on with me for so long. I still don't completely understand everything about this disease, and I'm still not super confident with how I'm living with it. Granted, being a nursing mother keeps me from taking many of the traditional pharmaceutical remedies for my symptoms. I eat healthy, drink plenty of water, make sure I'm active (I work out just about every day in some form or another), all the basic stuff. I take Aleve when I can (not while breastfeeding or during pregnancy, though), and I've started looking into fish oil/glucosamine/chondroitin.

I've had a few pretty bad flares, but the worst by far has been this one. I've been reading about it, and apparently it's common for women with Lupus to have a really bad flare after giving birth. Maybe it has something to do with the hormone shift? I don't know.

It's terrible. And frustrating.
I feel like I have the joints of a 90 year old woman. I can't make it through a workout DVD without nearly crying because my knees hurt so badly. My ankles are sore, inflamed, and swollen beyond recognition. My knees hurt just walking around. My wrists feel like they need to have braces on them. Some mornings my wrists are so sore that I have to wait a bit before I can pick up my son out of his cradle. Those are some of the worst times.

The fatigue is probably the next worst thing. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm still groggy and exhausted. Groggy and exhausted aren't exactly helpful with a newborn. He's awesome during the night. He wakes up a few times to be fed and changed, then goes right back to sleep. If it weren't for this ridiculous disease I'd feel awesome. It doesn't matter if I get 2 hours or 9 hours, I still feel awful. It's so frustrating. I'm getting worked up just writing about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can maintain this. I wanted so badly, when they first told me that I have Lupus, to go on with my life as usual.

"Lupus isn't going to affect my life."

I wanted to be one of those people that laughs in the face of a chronic disease. To maintain my social life, work schedule, exercise schedule, and home life. 

Now a year later, I honestly just feel like I'm fighting life, not living it.
Something's gotta give, ya know?

This flare has lasted more than 2 weeks now and it's showing no signs of letting up. I have to cover up with makeup to hide the weird blotchy-ness on my face. I'm just thankful that my hair isn't falling out again.

I don't know how to make this make sense to people, even my husband.

"But you don't look sick" is officially my least favorite thing to hear. It's so hard to make someone understand what it's like to feel like your body is working against you. I feel like a prisoner in this sometimes. Like I'm not the one calling the shots, the Lupus is.
I've been working out every day for the past week or so. The last few pounds of pregnancy weight are being a total pain in the ass, perhaps thanks to the sluggish thyroid that accompanies Lupus. It's helping the depression that comes with my flares quite a bit, but it's hurting my body. I feel so conflicted... I want to keep at it because it helps my mind, and I need to work out after having Liam, but I can barely get out of bed the next morning. I can run for 30 minutes, which makes me knees feel like they're on fire, or I can walk fast for 75 minutes. I'd much rather be on the treadmill for 30 minutes, but I can't maintain this every day if I'm running. Seriously, I wake up the next morning and it feels like Kathy Bates hit me in the legs with a baseball bat. Misery indeed.

(See what I did there?)
I'm thankful for the good parts of my health, I know that I could have it much worse. I just need to stay positive and find a lifestyle and a balance that works for me.

I'm off to do a much longer cardio session than I'd like to.
Enough whining.