Food Network

First of all, in case you're wondering, I do have a life, I just seem to find a lot of time to blog.
Getting on with this then.
Food Network. I love Food Network, but there are some shows on the network that make me want to scream out loud and gouge blunt pencils into my eyes, ya dig?
Rachael Ray: Need I say more than her name? There are websites devoted to hating her! Her voice is similar to a prepubescent boy's, she keeps getting fatter and fatter, and her answer to why she loves ANY food is "MY DADDY!" as in, "I love French food, because MY DADDY is French," or "I love Italian food, because MY DADDY is Italian."
Nobody cares. Her food is dreadfully elementary, and after watching her pack on the pounds I'm not exactly biting at the bit to try out her recipes. Do I even need to mention that she calls her audience "kids?" Your time is up Rachael. Put the EVOO in the GB and walk away giggling.

The Neelys: Stop yelling at me. It doesn't take two people in a kitchen to make the same fried garbage over and over again. Stop singing the words "cayenne pepper." Now. I once saw them deep fry a deviled egg. I quickly changed the channel, but not before throwing up a little.

Guy Fieri: Shave your face and dye your hair back to whatever color it was before you went bobbing for bacon in a bucket of bleach, then we'll talk.

Sandra Lee: Your food looks like crap and your table settings look like they came from the Dollar Store. You literally provide no new information or recipe ideas. Your show should be called, "How to half ass everything in less time than usual!"

Of course, Food Network has some saving graces that keep me watching. Giada, Ina, Tyler, Bobby, Alton, even Emeril. They all make great food and make it fun to watch. Why can't they just host everything?