2.03.2016

lock, stock, and two screaming toddlers.

fuck.
Save it, by the way. I know that "no one said this would be easy."
I know that no one said that. Because if they HAD said that, I would most assuredly also remember calling them a liar. However.
Holy cow, this can be hard.

And this can be beautiful. And more often than not, it's everything i could ever hope to have or want or achieve. I love my babies. My babies that aren't really babies anymore. 
I have two toddlers.
Come April, I will have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and that is terrifying and kick ass at the same time.

Right now their dad is gone for work, so for this month, it's just us chickens kicking around this house. I start a new job on the 15th, which means they'll start daycare, and I'll have daily breakdowns from mommy guilt and separation anxiety and I'll make lots of tearful drives to and from work. 

And it means, of course, that they'll be having a blast playing with other kids and getting a break from their stressed out mommy. Which they deserve.

Let's that about that for a minute, yeah?

I've been momming it up for nearly 4 years now, and I still pretty much fucking suck at handling my stress in a constructive way. I don't scream at my kids, but I yell, more than I'd like to. 
My boy is old enough now that he says things. Things that make me feel like a righteous douche bag. 
"don't be mean at me, okay?"
Fuuuuuuck. Talk about a knife in your heart.

I keep waiting for things to get better or easier, and if I'm being honest, they are. I'm learning every day and trying not to repeat mistakes. I love them and I do my best to do right by them. But its a daily struggle to remember that I can't be selfish, that my actions aren't just about me. Hell, they're barely about me at all. 

But what do you do when you hit your limit and no one will eat their lunch and he won't stop taking his sister's fork and she keeps climbing out of her highchair and he keeps getting up to run laps around the table?

...you go sit in the laundry room, have a solid cry for 3 minutes, then get on with it. At least thats what I've been doing.

Do I consider dropping them off at the Salvation Army as donations sometimes? Sure! 
But I probably won't ever do that.
(Probably.)

I'm not sure what the point of this post was, but I feel a little better and slightly less scatterbrained, so I'll say it was a good idea. 




1 comment:

  1. I wish you lived closer. I need you to be my friend. Saw this link on your Instagram and I have to say... you pretty much freaking rock.
    I hope you're doing alright. Just know someone in Greensboro,NC thinks you're pretty fucking badass.

    ReplyDelete